Becoming a better person begins with seeing yourself honestly.

According to Spiritism, moral growth happens through repeated choices: recognizing what still governs us, repairing the harm we cause, and gradually placing love, justice, and charity above self-interest.

How do I become a better person?

Marie’s Video Answer

watch in widescreen

Marie’s In-Depth Answer

  • Becoming better begins with honesty

    Becoming a better person is not about appearing good to others.

    It begins with seeing ourselves clearly: the pride, selfishness, resentment, fear, vanity, or need for recognition that may still influence our choices.

    We cannot change what we refuse to see.

  • Strong feelings are not the enemy

    Moral growth does not mean suppressing every desire or becoming passive.

    A strong feeling or passion is not necessarily harmful. What matters is whether it serves what is good or begins to control us, reduce our freedom, or cause harm to others.

    The goal is not to feel less. It is to choose more freely.

  • Character is built in ordinary choices

    Improvement is rarely measured by dramatic moments.

    It appears in whether we listen before defending ourselves, admit when we have caused harm, use our abilities only for ourselves or also for others, and act with integrity when nobody is watching.

    Who we become is shaped by repeated choices.

  • Self-knowledge makes change possible

    Spiritism places self-examination at the center of moral progress.

    We can ask ourselves: Where did self-interest guide me today? What did I do well? What should I repair? What could I choose differently tomorrow?

    This examination is not meant to create guilt.

    Its purpose is to make change possible.

  • Becoming better is gradual

    One decision does not transform a character, and one failure does not erase genuine progress.

    Growth comes through repeated effort: recognizing a tendency, choosing differently, repairing when necessary, and trying again.

    To become better is to place love, justice, and charity increasingly above self-interest.

Doctrinal Source | Grounded in The Spirits’ Book by Allan Kardec, especially Questions 893–919, concerning virtue, selfishness, the passions, moral effort, self-knowledge, and the daily examination of our actions.

Related Questions

  • Why Do I Want to Change but Keep Doing the Same Thing?

    Explore why understanding what needs to change is only the beginning—and how repeated choices gradually reshape us.

    Explore the answer

  • How Do I Build Self-Control Without Suppressing Who I Am?

    Explore how self-control can guide strong desires without denying what you feel or who you are.

    Explore the answer

  • What Is Moral Law, According to Spiritism?

    Explore the principles that guide how we choose, act, and grow as spirits.

    Explore the answer

More About This Question

  • According to Spiritism, spirits do not all begin a life at the same stage of moral development. Qualities that seem almost effortless in one person may reflect progress gradually acquired through previous experience, while another may still struggle strongly with tendencies not yet overcome.

    This does not make one person more valuable than another. What matters is how each uses the freedom and understanding available to them.

    Sometimes the struggle to choose what is right is itself evidence that real moral progress is taking place.

  • Yes. A good choice does not become less valuable because it requires effort.

    Patience, generosity, forgiveness, or honesty may initially conflict with what we feel like doing. Spiritism does not require us to have perfect feelings before we can act well. Choosing the better response despite an opposing impulse can itself help develop the quality we are trying to acquire.

    Over time, what once required effort may become more natural.

    Virtue can begin as a difficult choice before it becomes part of our character.

  • Wanting to be good does not immediately remove habits, fears, attachments, pride, or self-interest. We may sincerely understand what would be better and still feel pulled toward an older response.

    Recognizing that contradiction is already important because it gives us something concrete to work on. The aim is not to eliminate every selfish impulse overnight, but gradually to give it less influence over our choices.

    Each time we choose fairness, generosity, or consideration despite self-interest, we weaken one tendency and strengthen another.